For some strange reason, I haven’t seen the first Miss Congeniality film. I know it’s shocking to hear I haven’t watched a Sandra Bullock film where she’s an undercover FBI agent taking part in a beauty pageant, but I’ve been preoccupied with inferior films. Like Citizen Kane.

I think I have a good idea of what happens in it, even without consulting Wikipedia. Gracie Hart (the comfortably typecast Sandra Bullock) goes undercover and takes part in Miss America, a hilarious concept as the sum of her looks and plastic surgery doesn’t equate to the standards of unreal Hollywood beauty. She foils a plot involving said pageant, and then comes second place in the contest because – hey – it’s not about winning or losing, it’s about aspiring for world peace through the medium of bikinis. That’s about it, right?

The sequel Armed & Fabulous – a non-starter as far as puns are concerned – sees Gracie unable to continue her day job as she’s recognised by the slimy and repulsive group of people known as the public. Instead, she becomes a spokesperson for the FBI, doing fluffy media appearances and book signings to take advantage of her Miss Congeniality title. When she hears that Miss America and William Shatner have been kidnapped in Las Vegas, Gracie and her reluctant partner/bodyguard with a bad attitude Sam Fuller (Regina King) go on a mission to rescue them. So what you have is a female buddy movie mixed with the sixth direct-to-video sequel of The Hangover (coming in 2020).

The problem with Miss Congeniality 2 is that it falls into the trap most American comedies do: it believes humour and character development should remain separate. Sure, the comedy on offer here is about as funny as an episode of Eastenders at Christmas, but why do producers insist on adding narratively empty scenes where we’re reminded these characters are just human, and we should feel empathy for them? Does anyone care about Gracie Hart’s love life? Or that Sam has a bad attitude and is distant to people because she’s allergic to virtually everything? No. Especially when it doesn’t add to the overall story.

It is scenes like this that push what should be a ninety-minute film full of slapstick and stereotypes into a two-hour behemoth. To its credit, you can tell Armed & Fabulous wants to an epic film through it’s slightly slow-burn structure, but the concept kills any chance of that dead. Let me reiterate this: Sandra Bullock must save Miss America and William Shatner. It’d be less bizarre if Tony the Tiger and Jesus had been kidnapped.

RATING: **